Eternal Sunshine

Well Happy New Year! 2005, wow, the numbers just keep going up and up. Time seems to be flying by. I will be 24 years old in less than a month! Twenty Four! That seems crazy to me, and a little depressing considering I am nowhere near where I wanted to be when I turned 24. And now that I am about to turn 24 I have no idea where I want to be and what I want to be doing. Crazy! I guess I feel like there are so many more things I could be doing than wasting my life away working a 9-5 job with a 45 minute commute. I guess I just have to make a stand and I suppose it needs to be sooner vs. later.

Money. I guess thats what seems to drive most people to a certain extent. And why not? It's what makes the world go round. But after doing what I do day after day, I don't care one bit. I'd trade money for happiness any day of the week. We'll see what happens when I start singing and playing guitar at Howl At The Moon. Thats what I really want to do. Perform. Maybe I will get good enough and make enough connections to where I feel I can quit this silly career of mine. And that wasn't sarcastic one bit. It is quite silly and unfulfilling. Some people might be fine with a 9-5er but why? They will say well you need to work and blah blah blah. Yea obviously you need some means to support yourself, but my question is: at what price? Currently mine is the price of precious time and loneliness. I am gone from home from 7:45 untill 5:15. That sucks. Not to mention I get nothing done worthwhile. Then what do I do? I go home to an empty apartment and watch tv. If I am lucky I go workout with Query 2 or 3 nights during the week. And at the end of the day I just feel blah. End up watching tv by myself until 1 or 2 in the morning. the majority of my friends don't live close by and the majority of my friends have boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives. I think people take having someone like that for granted. I know I did when I was dating Katie. I became addicted to always having somone there and someone to talk to. I am a people person. I didn't like playing by myslef when I was young and I don't like hanging out alone now. No one really seems to know what I am talking about except for my buddy Matt, but hell he lives 4 hours away in Toledo. Probably going through similar things there.

Anyways, I guess that sorta leads me into the explanation o fthe title of todays "rant" which is "Eternal Sunshine." I recently saw that movie and thought it was awesome. I really felt what was going on and know what it would be like. Amazingly done. I loved it.

On a more fun note I will be going on a road trip soon with Chris to LA. That should be exciting. We are planning on doing it sometime towards the beginning of February. We will see how thta goes. Also it is a possibility that I may be going to Las Vegas with my Indy buddies. We will see where that trip goes.

I have been playing the guitar more and more lately. I really want to try to write some lyrics, but I guess I am half lazy and the other half of me thinks I can't do it that well. Hopefully I can grow some balls.

Well I guess I will get back to doing nothing here at work. Here is the lyrics to the song I have been listening to alot today:

Finch - Ender

Here I am beside myself again
I'm torn apart by words that you have said
All in all, I know we're falling apart
Where did you run to so far away?

And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep against the window pane
Just like always

You said you like to hear the rain sometimes
And all I can do is tell you the truthand
Oh, my eyes will tell you the same

And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are asleep again
And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep again

Grasp our hands, together we feel we are one result
Grasp our hands, together we feel we are one result
Grasp our hands, together we feel we are one result
Grasp our hands, together we feel we are one result (RESULT!!)

And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep again
And here we are to sing you a song
And there you are, asleep again

Ben Harper - Another Lonely Day

Yes indeed I'm, alone again
And here come emptiness, crashing in
Its either love or hate I cant find in between
Cuz I've been with the witches and I have been with a queen

It wouldn't have worked out anyway
So now it's just another lonely day (yeah eh)
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

Wish there was something I could say or do
I can resist anything but the temptation from you
But I'd rather walk alone then chase you around
I would rather fall myself then let you drag me on down

It wouldn't have worked out anyway
So for now its just another lonely day (yeah eh)
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

Yesterday seems like a life ago
Cuz the one I love today I hardly know
You I held so close in my heart oh dear
Grow further from me with every fallin' tear

It wouldn't have worked out anyway
So now its just another lonely day (eh eh)
Further along we just may
But for now its just another lonely day

-Tommy John